Day 13 Fearfulness

  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:5-7

A couple of months ago I went through something I dont think Id ever experienced before.  Anxiety.   I know lots of you will find it hard to believe that someone could get to the age of 58 and never have suffered from it at all - but I genuinely believe its true.  Or if I have ever suffered it before, it was so long ago that it is erased from memory.  I know I have been incredibly blessed to grow up in a family where worry was just not a thing.  I do not ever remember either of my parents being worried about anything. I know they had issues and difficulties to face as everyone does.  My Mum was widowed out of the blue when she was in her forties. She not only lost the love of her life but also the business they had built together and her home. It was a truly gruesome time, and I clearly remember many days of tears and nights of wondering what was going to happen next.  Looking back I suppose my Mum must have been fearful at that time, but she didn't communicate that fear to me. Or I wasn't contaminated by it. I was a relatively new Christian at that time, and I somehow knew that God had got us and it would all be OK.  But even before then there was a sense in our home that even if hard times came we would cope. That we were strong and capable. That the world was essentially a good place full of good people. Im so very grateful that I grew up in an atmosphere like that. Because it has made me fearless.

So when, a few weeks ago, there was a big fall out in our wider family and I was suddenly on the end of unpleasant emails blaming me for things that were entirely not my fault and demanding things I was singularly unable to provide, I had a shocking reaction.  I started to feel physically sick when my phone pinged.  I felt unable to open emails.  I stopped sleeping. It was really foreign to me to feel like that and I had to step back and examine what was going on.

I recognised pretty quickly that fear had got under my skin and into my physical body and was running amok. But why?? What had allowed my peace to be trashed? I hadn't done anything wrong. I was being verbally attacked and threatened with lawyers, but I knew that it was all bluster and nonsense.  Yet it still really affected me and I suddenly realised that lots of people live all the time with that sense of real dread and awful gnawing terror which can so easily become all consuming. It was a useful lesson to learn as I know that in the past I have been a bit dismissive of people who panic.  Now I will go forward with an appreciation of what it feels like and I hope I will be a LOT more sympathetic.

Many years ago God spoke to me about fear. He told me it is a spirit and it is like an umbrella.  It only has a small sphere of influence but if we are standing right underneath it then the rain of Gods presence cant get to us. It is a barrier between us and Him.  But God also told me that theres an easy answer to fear. Just step out from underneath it.  We dont live in and under fear  '' For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.'' 2 Tim 1:7.  When we recognise that fear is crouching at our door all we have to do is shut the door.  If anxiety is hovering over our heads, we just need to take a few steps out from underneath that covering.

It took me a couple of days to think about what was going on, tell myself that the fear I was feeling was utter nonsense. Tell myself that God knows me, loves me and that all anxious thoughts did not belong to me.  I pictured myself stepping out of the realm of fear. My peace genuinely returned 100%.  The unpleasant messages continued for a while, but I was much more able to deal with them and I went back to sleeping and reading my inbox without that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I also asked a couple of people to pray for and with me. A combination of the faith of others and my own determination not to let fear get a hold of me released me from anxiety and got me back on track.

Those verses in Philippians tell us that thankfulness is something really important if we want to keep hold of peace.  Lent is all about being thankful for Jesus. Today I am truly thankful that His presence banishes fear and that in His presence is fullness of joy.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 1 getting your eye in

Image
 Another Lent another blog.  This one is going to be a listening to God one rather than a study one, 2024 was a very eventful year for me.  I lost my Mum at the very end of 23 and her funeral was how  I started the year,  Then there  was her house to sort out, contents to deal with, probate to sort and house to sell in England.  At the same time a couple at church announced they were moving away for work for a couple of years and on the spur of the moment we decided to rent their house, get our own house completely rewired and put it on the market.  So 24 years worth of 'stuff' got sorted, packed and moved. Then our own house needed to be completely redecorated after the re-wire before putting it on the market. Phew, Im an old lady these days. Im surprised I survived! The house we are living in at the moment is great. Its two minutes from church.  And about 12 minutes from Hollywood beach - a lovely long bay overlooking the port where boats a...
Read more

Day 14. Silver

Image
Today is my silver wedding anniversary.  25 years ago I was preparing to walk down the aisle in Edinburgh City Fellowship with my Dad.  I was preparing to leave the keys of my Portobello house into the estate agent and move my life over the water to Northern Ireland.  Id already handed in my notice to work,  settled Cara and Katelin (my teenage foster kid and her baby)  into their new home.  It was a day of the most monumental change.  Everything after that day was different.  Not least the fact of finally being married after 34 years of singleness. To say I wasnt really ready for all the changes was an understatement. The change from single to married was huge and very disconcerting. The change from Scotland to Northern Ireland was much more complex than I had anticipated.  The loss of friends and church family was painful.  But when you are in love and you know that God has a plan then you just adapt and gird your loins and get on with...
Read more

Day 44 - prayer request

 Im going to do something I dont think Ive ever done in the 11 years of writing the blogs - take one whole post to ask you all to pray for something very specific Tomorrow (Friday) Im going to go and pray with someone who Im pretty sure needs deliverance. This is really important. The person concerned has been struggling with their identity (not gender identity) for about a year, believing all sorts of lies about who they are and their value to Jesus, their family and the world.  A negative spiral is now becoming a suicidal spiral - and whilst I genuinely dont believe that all mental health issues have demonic roots Ive been pretty sure for a while that this one has. The issue thats going round in my head is to do with my Messiah complex 😂😂 In my head I am pretty confident about going into a deliverance situation - I know what to do and I absolutely know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no amount of darkness is a problem for Jesus. This person is a Christian, so we are talkin...
Read more